Let’s Talk About Love: How to Cultivate Love in Our Lives: Forgiveness
One way to cultivate love in our lives, and cause it to grow, is to learn the art of forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness is a leap of faith. Sometimes we can forgive a person openly, sometimes we cannot; for example, sometimes the person we need to forgive has died, and we are unable to face them to tell them that we have forgiven them for the hurt that they have caused in our lives.
As you may recall from an earlier post, forgiveness was one of the purposes and functions of love. It is also a way in which we can cultivate love, and cause it to grow and produce in our lives! It is a wonderful cycle! Love causes forgiveness, and forgiveness causes love! Isn’t God good to us!? Each time we forgive, the fruit of love develops and grows, causing each subsequent forgiveness to be easier, and to cause us to grow and become deeply rotted and grounded in God’s love.
1 Peter 4:8 (NIV) says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
There are several “formulas” out there to help you learn to forgive someone. Here is one example of a step-by-step process:
- Name the hurt; picture the hurt; understand what the hurt is / was in your life.
- Realize that God loves the one(s) who hurt you and that as His child you must love them too. Romans 13:9 (NIV) says, “The commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not covet,’ and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
- Let go and let God have the emotional bond that has tied you to the pain.
- Turn to God and receive healing. Give Him your bitterness and receive His peace (this is another fruit we will explore later!).
- Pray for the one(s) who hurt you, using Paul’s prayer for us from Ephesians 1:3-10 (NIV), putting the name of your offender in the prayer like this: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us (Name) in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us (Name) in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, He predestined us (Name) for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will – to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us (Name) in the One He loves. In Him, we (Name) have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us (Name). With all wisdom and understanding, He made known to us (Name) the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment – to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” Using any name instead of “us” or “we” can make this a very powerful, personal prayer!
- When the time is right, seek to be reconciled, if possible.
If you are able to seek out your offender here on earth, or have to go to their graveside to bring closure to this hurt, do it. Forgiveness involves restoring the relationship to the former state (before the hurt or offense was committed) when possible.
We must learn this forgiveness for others if we desire to operate under God’s forgiveness. In Mark 11:25 (NIV) Jesus is speaking, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
We can learn more about how God feels about our forgiving others in Matthew 18:21-35 (NIV), “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailors to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Jesus is trying to help Peter to understand that it doesn’t matter how many times someone sins against you, you must forgive them. The number of times is irrelevant. The first servant, who owed ten thousand bags of gold, represents you and me – there is no way that mankind could ever repay the debt we owed to God. No matter what we did, we could never be “good enough” by ourselves to be worthy of God. That is why God sent His Son to pay the price for us, because only He was worthy to stand in the presence of Almighty God. God was “moved with compassion” toward us and provided a way for us to be reconciled to Him. Through God’s plan, we were justified (“just if I’d never sinned”) through faith in Jesus to be completely washed clean! If we accept the forgiving grace of God, and then turn around like the wicked servant in this story did – only to withhold forgiveness from others – we will not be able to walk in the fullness of grace that God had planned for us! God freely gave forgiveness to us, and He expects us to freely give forgiveness to others, without conditions or stipulations.
Search your heart today, and see if there is anyone who you need to forgive. Let’s cultivate some love today!