The Art of Forgiveness
In order to learn the art of forgiveness, we need to remember that sometimes forgiveness is a leap of faith. Sometimes we can forgive a person openly, sometimes we cannot; for example, sometimes the person we need to forgive has died, and we are unable to face them to tell them that we have forgiven them for the hurt that they have caused in our lives.
1 Peter 4:8 (NIV) says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
There are several “formulas” out there to help you learn to forgive someone. Here is one example of a step-by-step process:
*Name the hurt; picture the hurt; understand what the hurt is / was in your life.
*Realize that God loves the one(s) who hurt you and that as His child you must love them too. Romans 13:9 (NIV) says, “The commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not covet,’ and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
*Let go and let God have the emotional bond that has tied you to the pain.
*Turn to God and receive healing. Give Him your bitterness and receive His peace .
*Pray for the one(s) who hurt you, using Paul’s prayer for us from Ephesians 1:3-10 (NIV), putting the name of your offender in the prayer like this: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us (Name) in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us (Name) in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, He predestined us (Name) for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will – to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us (Name) in the One He loves. In Him, we (Name) have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us (Name). With all wisdom and understanding, He made known to us (Name) the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment – to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” Using any name instead of “us” or “we” can make this a very powerful, personal prayer!
*When the time is right, seek to be reconciled, if possible. If you are able to seek out your offender here on earth, or have to go to their graveside to bring closure to this hurt, do it. Forgiveness involves restoring the relationship to the former state (before the hurt or offense was committed) when possible.
Father God, Thank You for providing the tools we need, and the example we can follow, to forgive. We know that unforgiveness only hurts us, not the offender. Help us to release the feelings we have held onto – the ones that burn inside of us, causing damage with bitterness and regret – and lay them at Your feet, so that You can begin to bring healing, peace, and renewed joy to our lives! In Jesus’ name, Amen!